Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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