just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
