Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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