I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
