Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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