Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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