I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
