somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
