Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
