Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
