If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
