WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
