We got so high we made milksteak
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
