I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
