Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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