Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
