I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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