so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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