And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
