There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
