tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
