So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
