I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I am available for nakedness
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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