Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
