Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
