ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
