I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
