Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
