I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
