so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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