Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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