but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
