my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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