You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
