She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
