I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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