I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
