P.S. I can't hear my feet
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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