Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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