I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
