I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
