These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
