I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
