Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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