TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
