i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize