this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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