Umm I'm too high to move.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
