Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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