My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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