Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
