I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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